


Amen

by NonbinoDino13



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Kidnapped Spencer Reid, Kidnapping, M/M, Psychological Trauma, Religious Guilt, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, original case, religious trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:53:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26967016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NonbinoDino13/pseuds/NonbinoDino13
Summary: It's a  seems like another simple rape/torture/murder case, but they quickly realize the true motives of their unsub, but will it save their kidnapped agent in time?
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Comments: 6
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! I'm trying to make this a long fic, but I'm very lazy so I'm sorry if I upload late. Have a nice morning/afternoon/night! Also I know this one is short but I'm tired:/

Everyone but J.J. and Hotch had to come into the office for this case, seeing as they were the only ones who tended to stay late and do extra work. Once everyone is seated in the conference room J.J. starts with a grim face.

“ There have been three murders in Clanton, Alabama making this case ours. The Clanton PD is not very happy with our help. The only reason I heard of this case was because one of the victims' mothers reached out to the FBI and showed us how the cases are linked. Ms. Ketcher(the mother that reached out)’s daughter was the second victim of our unsub. We can’t find evidence from the other two victims to support Ms. Ketcher’s claim that her daughter was targeted because she was a lesbian, but the other parents refuse to give statements because ‘it’s Gods will’. The three victims are Mathew Smith 25 year old black male, Haley Ketcher 23 year old white female, and Daren Patterson 23 year old white male. Mathew was taken on Wednesday September 6th and found on Sunday September 10th. Haley was taken on Wednesday 13th and found on Sunday 17th. Daren was taken on Wednesday 20th and found on Sunday 24th. They were all presumed dead only a few hours before they were each found. And beside time having a huge cross carved on their chest post-mortem is something that stays the same with each body.” She finishes.

“ Well that means that we only have two days before he takes his next victim, wheels up in thirty.’ Hotch said, dismissing everybody. 

\----

“ It says that all of the victims were left outside of churches, that mixed with the cross on the chests we very well could be dealing with hate crimes against homosexuals like Ms. Ketcher said.” Emily says after the jet takes flight.

“ Yeah and the type of state Alabama is, it’s not shocking they would just let this go on and not contact us.” Derek adds. 

“It also says that all of the victims had the crosses carved into them post-mortem so we can probably rule out sadists. He probably only tortures them to teach them a lesson. But the rape.. I’m not sure because he could be killing gay men and raping them because he himself is gay and repressing it, but why kill and rape a female? It just seems like an overall hate for homosexuals in general.” Rossi says which everyone can agree with.

\----

Once they get off the jet Derek approaches Spencer.

“Hey kid what was that?”

“What was what?”

“You love talking but you haven’t talked since we came in today, is everything alright?’

“ Everything is fine Morgan.” Spencer says and walks away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!! this chapter contains rape and murder, the rest of this story will to so if you get triggered easy plz leave!

“ Welcome to Clanton. Over in the conference room we set up a board for you.” The Police chief stated dryly and walked away.

“ You really weren’t lying when you said they don’t want us here.” Rossi said as they walked to their new area. Once they got into the room it was clear that the police really didn’t care about this case, there was barely anything there for them to work with and what was there was placed there for necessity. Only a white board and a single box holding information on the three different murders.

“ J.J. call the mother and ask her to come in for a second interview. I doubt they got nearly enough.” Hotch said. J.J. nodded and headed to call the mother outside, “ Reid I want you to go over the information we have here.” Reid quickly headed over to the small box and took out the papers.

\---

“ Mrs. Ketch you said that you believe these murders are connected because your daughter was a homosexual?” Hotch asked the woman.

“ It’s Ms, my husband left years ago. Yes Haley is-... was a lesbian. I supported her because no matter what she will always be my baby-” Ms. Ketcher stopped to try and collect herself so she wouldn’t cry yet, “ She’s never dated anybody but she knew. She was very open about it, even in this close minded place we live. She was always so proud, and I was so proud of her. So why did she say she was sorry for lying to me about being lesbian?” She said before she burst into tears.

“ When did she apologize?” Hotch asked, clearly confused seeing as he had read through the police report and there was no mention of this. Ms.Ketcher looked at Hitch as she tried to calm herself down enough to talk.

“ I-In the tape that was sent to me she keep saying she was sorry and that she shouldn't have said she was a faggot because it was all lies and she was built for men- oh god! My baby!” she screamed the last part as she broke into hysterical sobs once again.

“ What tape? Ma'am there was no mention of a tape in the police reports?”

“ The tape- Oh god! He raped my baby! He raped her on tape and made her say she liked it- and-and that she was lying about being a queer!” She clearly couldn’t talk anymore from the hysteria but she was able to reach in her purse and pull out a cassette tape and handed it to Hotch. She quickly got up and ran out of the station. Hotch knew they probably couldn’t pull prints off of it anymore.

\---

Sadly this wasn’t the first time Garcia had to analyze a tape of someone being raped and she doubted it would be her last, but she knew she would hate it each time she did it. What type of person would she be if she didn’t feel disgusting doing it? When she was on the phone with Hotch he had told her she will probably have to analyze more, she hated to hope they wouldn’t find evidence but it was what she was really wanting the moment she heard the ‘probably’.  
The tape has ‘ Haley is now saved’ written on the top of it.

TRIGGER WARNING RAPE AND MURDER  
“*loud sex noises and female screaming in pain and fear*

‘ Tell them how much you like it! Tell them how you’re a dirty sinner! A dirty liar! Tell them that you were made for a man and that you aren’t a real faggot!’ 

‘ Please I’m not a faggot! I like it so much just please you don't have to do this! Stop please I’ll do anything! Please!’

*loud noise that resembles a slap*

‘ I’m a liar an-and a sinner! I’m built for a man! Please! Mommy help me!’

*loud noise that resembles a slap*

‘ I’m the only help you need. I the Lord will save you, all you need to do is repent.’

‘ I repent please! Just Stop!’

‘ As you wish my child’

*gunshot*”  
END

Garcia threw her head phones the moment she was done rendering it and let the tears stream down her face.


	3. Chapter 3

“ Garcia did you find anything?” Hotch asked coldly still feeling detached after watching Ms. Ketcher’s breakdown. He looked at the screen and saw the state of distress Garcia was in and knew his mood wouldn’t get any better after this.

“ Sir, I didn’t find anything very identifiable in the tape. But you may want to sit down when you listen to it..” Garcia said then quickly hung up, clearly wanting to be alone in that moment. He sighed and took a seat, opening up his email and clicking on the recording Garcia sent him. He would have to replay it for the team when they got back from trying to get the other families to cooperate.

Then the loud painful sounds of Haley Ketcher's screams filled his ears.

\----

Morgan knocked on the door of the Smiths.

“Hello?” Said a woman opening the front door of the house. Morgan and Rossi flashed their credentials. Spencer and Emily were at the Pattersons, and J.J was dealing with the press that seemed to be having a heyday with this story. 

“ I’m Agent Derek Morgan this is Agent David Rossi with the FBI, Ma’am we're here to ask about the killing of Mathew Smith.” Morgan said assertively like usual. The woman straightened her back and cleared her throat.

“ I already told the police that I believe what happened to Mathew was God’s will. Why did they bring the FBI into this anyhow?” The woman who they presumed to be Mrs.Smith said.

“ We believe you’re withholding evidence for our case, which if you didn't know is Obstruction of Justice so we very well could come back here with a warrant do you understand me?” Rossi demanded. She glared at the two men.

“ Now I told the police I have no clue what happened to Mathew, and that clearly means I how no evidence-” Mrs. Smith was cut off by a teen aged girl who looked much more distraught then the woman standing in front of them.

“ Mom I can’t believe you! Did you even listen to the tape?” The girl said holding the tape out for everyone to see, “ I can’t believe you can bring you self to stand here and lie to the cops about your SON just because he was gay!” She screamed at her mother. The mother quickly went to grab the tape from her daughters hands but the daughter quickly dodged the mother and threw the tape to Morgan who was luckily able to catch it. The woman charged Derek but before she was able to damage him Rossi had tackled and cuffed her.

“ Anna I can’t believe you!” The woman yelled at her now sobbing daughter as Rossi put her in the back of their car to take her into the station for Obstruction of Justice, and Assaulting an Officer. Morgan felt horrible tearing this family apart farther than before, and leaving this girl with her probably worse father.

\----

Reid and Emily got in their vehicle after the Pattersons. The mother had broke down and told them how Mr. Patterson wouldn’t let her come forward and give the evidence or give a statement because their son was a ‘fag’.

“ Spencer, you've been quiet since we heard about this case, what's wrong?” Emily asked her clearly upset friend. Spencer quickly turned away from Emily trying to not reveal anything.

“ I’m fine, just tired.” 

“ I know you’re lying, if you don’t want to talk. I won’t push it. But I’m here for you always.”

“ How could you be there if you don’t understand Emily?!” Spencer snapped, “ You haven't been pushed around you whole life and traumatised because you’re a ‘fag’ and told you’re going to go to hell because you’re gay! How could you be there! When I was at my lowest with my internalized homophobia it gets thrown back in my face for work!” An uncomfortable silence fell on them after Spencer’s outburst. 

“ I do understand Spencer, I’m a lesbian.” She said quietly two minutes into the silence. Spencer's heart broke, he already felt crappy for yelling and now he probably brought back some bad feelings for Emily, “ Why are you at your lowest?” She said as she shifted uncomfortably. 

“ I realized I’m in love with a man.” He said very scared of Emily asking who, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to tell her. He trusted this woman with his life, but telling his coworker he’s in love with their boss was a horrible idea no matter the amount of trust between them.

But she didn’t say anything the rest of the ride, she just put a comforting hand on his thigh.


	4. Chapter 4

Hotch sent the tapes to Garcia knowing they couldn’t be scanned for prints either. He sat everyone down and started the recording.

-recording is in chapter two-

When it finished everyone felt disgusting but that seemed to be normal by now.

“ What do you think?” Hotch said dryly.

“ He definitely isn't a sadist. He seems much more delusional, he thinks he’s saving them.” Rossi said.

“ Obviously he’s delusional, he said he was god.” Morgan added.

“ Then this isn’t for power, he already feels like he’s god himself. And like Rossi said he thinks he’s saving them. And he has them repent just before they die so in other words he’s trying to send them to heaven. So these are mercy kills?” Emily asks, “ We never see torturing in mercy kills.”

“ No I think you’re right they are mercy kills, he’s not torturing the person he kills because after you repent you are ‘reborn’. He tortures sinners and kills them when they are reborn and free of sins so they can go to heaven.” Reid says.

“ Hello my beauties! I have brought you these gross tapes! They don’t have anything identifiable to me but you can check them out, bye bitches!” Garcia said as she popped on their screens and left just as quickly as she came. Hotch sighs wanting to finish their discussion before moving on but knowing they don’t have that kind of time. He clicked on the first link.

“* loud sounds of sex and a male screaming*

‘ Tell them how horrible you feel! Tell them how you know you were built for a woman! Tell them you are a sinner and repent!’

‘ Please sir please!’

*Loud noise resembling a slap*

‘ Tell them!’

‘ I-I’m built for a woman! I’m a sinner and I repent!’

*gunshot*”

“ That was Mathew Smith’s tape and written on it was ‘Mathew is now saved’” Hotch read from Garcia's email before clicking on the second link.

“*loud sounds of sex and a male screaming*

‘ You are a sinner and now you shall repent’ 

‘ H-help me! Let me go you sick-’

*slap*

‘ Repent son’

‘ I’m not your son!’

*slap*

‘ Repent and your punishment shall be over’

‘ NO I will never apologize to a rapis-’

* gunshot*

‘ Some of my children will never be saved.’”

“ ‘Daren is now damned’” Hotch said.

“ If he thinks Daren is going to hell why carve the cross on his chest?” Morgan asks.

“ The cross isn’t for them, it’s a message for everybody else. Lets go I think we’re ready to give the profile.” Hotch said.

\----

“ We believe this is a white man in his late 30s to early 40s.” Emily said to the room full of police.

“ He is very dominant in his everyday life and most likely works a job that puts him in a position of power such as a fireman, doctor, or cop.” Derek said.

“ We also can’t rule out that he works in a more religious passion, or is closely related to someone who does.’’ Rossi stated.

“ He has a very hard time getting along with people and is definitely someone who sticks out, but less as a murder and more of a narcissist.” Emily speaked again. 

“ His trigger was probably something to do with homosexuality seeing that that’s the type of people he’s attacking. So maybe a wife left him for a woman, a child of his come out as homosexual.” Reid said.

\----

“ That one needs to be saved.”


	5. Chapter 5

After giving the profile they went to their hotel and slept. They spent all of Tuesday doing nothing, they tried to search as well as they could using Garcia but there are no databases for gay children or god complexes. When it was finally Wednesday everyone felt horrible knowing now there was nothing they could do to stop the kidnapping. One of the people who felt the worst was Dr. Spencer Reid. He was incredibly stressed so he decided to act against one rule he had made for himself, never smoke during work.

It was a bad habit and he knew it, but when he was trying to quit Dilaudid he really needed something to get his mind off of it. And he knew that cigarettes were a bad idea, but they were better than drugs. Now he didn't smoke them as much as he did when trying to overcome his addiction, but they were a quick stress reliever when they got back from a case. 

That's what brought him to stand behind the police station alone with his focus on the buzz he felt from inhaling the smoke instead of the noise of someone walking over to him. Only did he realize someone was there when he felt their arms wrap around him and put a chloroformed cloth over his mouth.

\----

“ Have any of you seen Reid?” Hotch asked the team after searching the building for him.

“ He said he was stepping outside to get some air like,” J.J. said looking down at her watch to check the time, then her eyes went wide, “ 40 minutes ago… I’ll call him.”

“ I already did twice and he always picks up on my calls, but he didn’t answer either of them. Let's go check out side” Hotch said, already getting much more anxious than he was before. They all quickly went outside to search for their resident genius.

“ Guys come here hurry!” Rossi yelled from the back of the building. Everyone ran to him. There where Rossi stood was Spencer’s phone in the dirt.

“ It’s Wednesday." Emily said, feeling horrified. Derek looked up at her.

“ But Spencer's straight this can’t be this unsub’s work.” Emily realized that she was probably the only person that knew Spencer was bisexual, so who would the unsub know? Then it clicked to her, there has to be something in the car. She quickly ran back to the front and grabbed the keys from her pocket of the SUV she was assigned to drive. She unlocked the door and started the search while Morgan called Garcia and Hitch went inside and commanded that the police form a search party. Emily opened the glove box and searched it and finally inside a box of tissues was a tiny microphone. Someone had heard their conversation.

\-----

Spencer woke up with the dull taste of cigarette in his mouth, a blind fold on, and his wrist and feet bound together. He tired to feel around the rope to get a feel for the knot to see if he could untie it in his state. But then he heard a heavy metal door open.

“ hello my son”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter's short :/


	6. Chapter 6

They watched the videos taken from the cameras around the station, Spencer walked from the front to the back. He looked both ways to see if anyone was near, then opened his messenger bag and grabbed a box of cigarettes out. He quickly pulled one and lit it. He took a breath in and quickly zoned out, looking much more calm then any FBI should ever be. A van pulled up at the end of the ally the back of the police station was in. A man got out and opened the door. He slowly walked toward Spencer, who didn’t seem to notice this incriminating display. The man got close to Spencer, that’s when Spencer tensed up and reach for his gun but it was to late. The man had knocked him out cold. He picked up Spencer with ease and quickly entered his van and drove away.

“ Sadly we couldn’t get plates, but we were able to make out a cross symbol on the van. There are other more things on the van but it was to far.” Garcia said to the team.

——

“ I’m not your son.” Spencer stated firmly. Most of the time the safest way to go was to play into the unsubs delusion. But from what he heard on the tapes is when you give in you are killed. Of course you get killed if you don’t play into it, but later rather than sooner. The man chuckled lightly.

“ You’re my son, for I am humans father. I know you don’t understand that yet but you will soon. I would rather not have to be mean out this sense I love you my son. But I will do anything to save you, I love you that much.” The man said humbly as if he didn’t rape and kill 3 people.

“ You are delusional.” Spencer snapped knowing that it could save him from death, but also lead to his own torture and rape. The man huffed. 

“ Fine, when you can finally admit my love for you, all you need to do is admit you are a sinner that repents.” The man said as he stalked closer to Reid. Spencer tried not to cower in fear, feeling exactly like he had in Tobias’ cabin. The realization hit him of how similar this case is to that one. The man grabbed him by his throat and punched him back. Sense he was already on his knees, he fell with his lower legs under him. He tried to kick as the man cut his legs free of binding, if the man wasn’t so much strong then him he would be able to walk out the door now.

The man flipped him on his stomach giving Spencer less range to kick. The man pulled of his pants quickly. 

“ No! Please!” Spencer tried to fight as the man pulled his boxers off. He heard the horrifying noise of the man unzipping his fly. “ No! No! Please don’t! You don’t have to do this!” Spencer pleaded, his training completely forgotten. They never told them how to handle this. The man pushed him self in Spencer raw and grabbed a lock of Spencer’s hair and pulled so hard he felt like his hair would fall out.

He felt like he was being slit in two. Tears come to his eyes and ran down his face. The man now had a knife and was carving something into his back. Not enough to make him bleed out, but enough to scar. Spencer screamed out for help, for Hotch to save him but no one could hear.


	7. Chapter 7

Nothing, a big pile of nothing. It was already Friday. The man tended to kill on Sunday, making the torture the worst that day either making them give in finally and die, or not give in and die. 

That’s all Hotch could think about, in two days Spencer will be dead if they don’t find this son of a bitch. The had gone to all the church’s in the town (which was to many) and none of them could help. Hotch’s skin crawled every second he didn’t know how Spencer was being hurt. Spencer has been through so much and didn’t deserve any of it. The thought had crossed his mind that Spencer will probably start Dilaudid again if he makes it out of this.

If

——

Spencer felt numb. His body tingled, probably from the cold of laying in a basement without clothes. The man hadn’t showed up today yet. Spencer could still keep track of the time. 

Friday September 29th 2:34 pm.

Where was the team? They should have come by now. The man should have too.

He always came in at 12:00am in the morning and left at 7:00pm. Spencer only got water and bread, he typically eat before anything happened. But sometimes the man couldn’t wait and Spencer ate later. He couldn’t believe he was questioning the whereabouts of his rapist. He was thirsty and dirty. Spencer wished the man would get it over with, but if he repents before Sunday that might inrage the man. He seems to like scheduling.


	8. Chapter 8

At least with Hankel they got to see him in videos. Now they had no clue what was happening to Spencer.

“ This is Morgan.” Derek said as he picked up his ringing phone.

“ I’m Mary Coxswain, you came to my husbands church a few days ago and asked him questions. H-he lied. We let his brother use our vans, an-and he is exactly like what you described. His name is Michael Coxswain. I so sorry I have to go my husband is back-“ then the line went dead. 

Morgan stood still for a moment, taking the information in. They might get to see Reid again.

“ Hello?” Garcia said clearly having just finished crying.

“ Garcia we might have our unsubs name.” Morgan said, the whole team quickly dropped what they were doing and looked at Morgan. “ Michael Coxswain” 

“ Oh my god- we- Spencer- I’m on it.” She said and hung up. All of their phones buzzed with his address. Without a word they all split up into different cars.

——

The door finally opened. The man tossed Spencer on his back without a word, fuming with anger. He reached for a pocket knife and started craving onto Spencer’s thighs. 

Reid didn’t have enough energy to cry out. This seemed to Infuriate the man more. He slammed the knife down on the concrete. He pulled down his pants. Reid closed his eyes earning him a slap. The man spit into his palm and used it to lube up his- Spencer didn’t want to have to think of the word. Then that tearing feeling. The man rammed into him. Tears spilled down Spencer’s face. 

Then the Familiar sound of the metal door opening rang in Spencer’s ears.


	9. Chapter 9

“ FBI hands up!” Hotch yelled as the door opened.

“ Get away from him!” JJ yelled next. It was a horrible sight. Spencer layer out covered in new and old blood, and Michael Coxswain raping him.

Spencer didn’t open his eyes in fear this might be a dream. The man reached for his gun, Hotch was the first one to shoot. The man collapsed next to Spencer. 

They all ran down the stairs. Hotch care fully picked Reid up from the ground. His eyes fluttered open slowly.

“ H-Hotch?” He asked quietly. 

“ You’re ok Spencer we’re here. I’m here.” Hotch whispered to Reid as he walked to the ambulances. 

——

Spencer first felt warm. Then he heard a heart Monitor beeping. Finally he felt a hand holding his hand. When he finally opened his eyes he saw Hotch holding his hand as he stared at Spencer’s face.

“ Where am I?” Spencer asked slowly. Hotch let out a breath.

“ The hospital, the doctor says you’ll be fine. You’re only going to be left with scars.” Hotch said. Spencer nodded, “ I didn’t know you smoked.” Hotch said after a bit to break the silence. Spencer let out a dry laugh.

“ Not anymore I don’t. H-Hotch I’m sorry.. I should have paid more attentio-“

“ Don’t apologize Spencer, this isn’t your fault. I’m sorry we couldn’t get to you faster.”

“ I was starting to think you wouldn’t find me alive.. Hotch I have to tell you something.” Hotch nodded, “ H-he came after me because I told Emily that I’m bisexual in the car... I also told her i finally understood it because I fell in love with a man.” 

Hotch looked at Spencer’s face for any tell of what was happening. Spencer pulled his hand out of Aaron’s.

“ I’m sorry Hotch- I know you’re my boss and you don’t like men- I know you are pobably discussed with me for ever thinking-“ 

“ What?” Hotch interrupted him. Spencer closed his eyes and groaned.

“ Please don’t make me spell it out for you... Hotch I’m in love with you” Spencer spit it out.

“ Spencer, I love you too.” Hotch said slowly, “ but after what you just went through I understand if you don’t want to start a relationship.”

“ You really love me?” Spencer said opening his eyes. Hotch nodded, “ Hotch I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for a sexual relationship now, but if we could just- I don’t know, still date without the sexual stuff?” Spencer asked. 

“ I would love to be with you in any way you would let me Spencer.”


End file.
